Generally I don’t think ahead much, I just do what’s right in the moment I’m in. If I weren’t completely impulsive and flighty what would be the point of being a hobo stripper? But this summer I had a kind of tentative plan: to make a gazillion dollars, fall in love with some land and buy it, build a little cordwood house and live happily ever after along the river I love for the winter.
That gazillion dollars isn’t here yet. There are way too many dancers and not as many customers as usual, and I’m making about a seventh of what I made last year. That’s a normal part of stripping, you can make $800 one night and $80 the next, there’s no point in having expectations.
If I don’t make a gazillion dollars, maybe I should work hard a little this winter so that I can find land next summer. I want to stay here in Alaska and never leave again.
It would be really cold in the van and the money would be kind of limited, here in Alaska. Plus there’s a bunch of stuff I could be doing in the lower 48: exotic dancer convention, two or three other gatherings, a couple seminars, dancing in Atlanta, dancing in Portland, and dancing in Florida for golf season. Plus visiting friends in the southwest and the east coast and all down through California. Maybe I’ll drive south and do all of that.
Or I could do like other people do and fly. Except that I don’t think Bro should be flying around any more at his age, and flying is inconvenient and expensive, cause then you hafta stay in hotels and rent cars.
Then there’s always international travel. If I’m going to do it at all I should do it soon (before civilization collapses, before I grow up and settle down in one spot). I could dance in Iceland and Australia and South Africa, and I’ve always wanted to go to Lebanon and Peru. The possibilities are endless.
Except that I don’t really want to leave Alaska.
There’s this box truck for sale that’s big enough that I could put a woodstove in it. It’s diesel and it probably gets horrible gas mileage, but I could leave it parked wherever and just drive the van around. It’s expensive tho, and I think it’d actually be cheaper to stay at cheap crappy hotels for the winter than to buy it. There isn’t a club here that I’d want to work at all winter, so I’d be driving back and forth every month or so, probably.
But if I’m going to do all that I might as well drive south.
I’m sure it will all come clear when I do it, but for now I’m a little confused and angsty. As far as angst goes, this seems like a good kind of angst to have.
This is the same angst I have everyday 🙄 But then, you know this 😕 Have not made it out the door to go to Wisconsin yet….had the neighbor/mechanic working on my truck, so that I can get to Wisc (or somewhere 😐 )… Need to do my nails, get hair done,put on a tan, mend costumes, “BECOME” Her – You know that alter HAT ego…It’s 5:15am EST …(thank Goddess my mech/ neighbor is on the same wierd fricken hours) … more later… think I will go draw a bath…….Ash
You know, I dont think the angst ever stops. In my experience, even after I finally got what I thought I always wanted, it just seems that there is always a desire or need burning inside that kicks my ass every single day, and that I just cannot seem to put my finger on.
I sometimes think being human is just impossible. Too frickin difficult.
Lebanon? I’ve been there a number of times (my mom is Lebanese). Lovely country, lovely people. Beirut is just an amazing city; keeps rising from the ashes. It also has some of the best nightlife anywhere, believe it or not. Don’t let the political troubles keep you away. Actually, I wish that every American would visit a place in the Arab world; the world would probably be so much the better for it.
I vote for dancing in Atlanta. If it doesn’t sound too creepy to say it, my couch is always open for awesome bloggers.
Amber, wow! I promise not to be creepy if you let me sleep on your couch. 🙂 Maybe I’ll stay in Alaska and fly to Atlanta and Iceland and stuff…
HAT, ha, I was gonna call you around 6am your time but I thought you might be sleeping!
Sam… too bad they don’t have strip clubs in Lebanon. Do you think it’s safe for a woman to pass through with a backpack and a tent, or should I maybe stick to the touristy areas?
I have never danced, but apparently there is some good money in Montreal. Come by Canada! If ever in Toronto or North Bay Ontario, drop me a line and I could suggest some good places to dance. 😉
Laurel I’d love to dance in Canada, but they’ve outlawed all foreign strippers, just in case we’re really trafficked sex slaves in disguise. 🙄
Love this angst, I am so mired in angst I could be the subject of a Depeche Mode album! You are lucky you are a, (i presume) a good looking girl and work is so easy to find. I am a 37yr old former investment banker who quit work when I was 27 because I thought it wasn’t enough any more. My younger brother who works in a hedge fund says I should write a book because I didwhat every one talks about – I pointed out to him that everyone wants the happy ending and it is never that easy! Still I have survived for the last 10 years despite being bankrupt twice. There not being much call for male strippers I survive by trading futures, not as easy as you might think! One thing I have done is travel, mostly Asia, but also South America, my native Europe and Africa. Don’t care much for the Middle East, but if you have to be anywhere there it must be Beirut, Tel Aviv or Dubai. Even in those places your profession is not exactly welcomed. You should try London, but the cost of living makes NY look like a bargain and all those Eastern European immigrants haven’t made competition easy. A good friend of mine who runs a bar in Bangkok recommends Greenland, captive -though small population, regular Scandinavian and American tourists and vodka with Ice from 4,000 yr old glaciers.
Wow! So interesting! I have thoughts of going to Stonehenge or New Orleans. I once said to someone in Grade 5 that I wanted to go to neither Mexico or British Columbia before I hit 30 (I guess I will have to set a new goal for the British Columbia trip). I did manage to go to Mexico in ’92. That trip was unforgettable!! I do wonder about my cat Felix at her age. She is still active although.
Even if you don’t get to strip in Canada, Toronto would be an excellent place to go in the summer.
Take care and blessed be!