Tara's Human Thermometer Method

I used to have a little keychain thermometer that I kept on the door to Bro’s crate. In the desert, I used it to show concerned citizens that it was not really one hundred degrees in the van and that ice + insulation did in fact make it cool where Bro was. Somewhere along the way that thermometer got lost and even though I never got another one I always seem to know what the temperature is within a couple seconds of waking up. How? Well, if I wake up and…

Roll out of bed and don’t lose my breath for a second: it’s warmer than 15 degrees! Tropical!

My head is not under the blanket: It’s warmer than 5 degrees in Alaska, 10 degrees in more humid places.

My head is under the blanket: It’s colder than 5 (or 10) degrees. Getting chilly.

My head is under the blanket, and when I go to poke a hand out I encounter a mess of wet condensation in my hair: It’s colder than ten below (I don’t know what this is in more humid places). Better start the van cause it’s gonna need a long time to warm up.

My head is under the blanket, and when I go to stick a hand out I encounter a frozen, brittle mess of hair: it’s colder than twenty below. Cross your fingers that the van was plugged in.

Bro’s in bed despite the down comforter, and he doesn’t get up when you mention breakfast: it’s really damn cold. Just stay in bed.