Life in Stripperland

Hatma gave me directions and I followed them all the way to this huge mansion. A guy in pajamas answered the door.

“Hey,” I said, “this must be the new stripper house. I brought my shower bag.”

“Umhm,” he said and wandered back to bed.

“Tara!” Hatma came down the stairs and Sweetness came out of another room.

It’s this huge multimillion dollar hunting lodge that the uber-rich stay in during hunting season. Marble, steel, hot tubs, the works. When season ended, one stripper moved in. But you know how strippers are. They multiply, and soon the lodge was overrun.

Sweetness and I went for a run on the beach, first with the resident dog, and then with Bro, and I took pictures of the dead bloated saltwater-preserved salmon who never made it to their rivers. I miss my river.

Diamond and Lucy were leaving when we got back, and we had one of those beautiful dramatic superficial goodbyes. Off they went, into the world, leaving behind only tomatoes and memories of soup.

This lodge is so fancy it’s got a hose that runs hot and cold water, so I gave Bro a bath because he’s been stinky lately. The van’s been stinky too. It’s kind of circular.

Then Sweetness made shrimp and beef tacos with the most amazing sauces and salads and fried ice cream and other yumminess. It was like those people who live in my sister’s TV in the playboy mansion, except instead of this old wrinkly token man, they have a young accomodating muscley guy who washes the dishes.

I had come for the running water, after all, so I finally made it to the bath tub. It’d been a while since I’d bathed, so I decided to soak for a while. I got all absorbed in the Continuum Concept (one of my favoritest books – I got it for Hatma and then borrowed it back from her to read in her tub), and when I got out just now it was 11:15. I could go to work, but it doesn’t seem especially compelling. Especially since last, after driving all the way over here, I only made $21.

So here I am in this dark house, sitting at a fancy marble counter in an industrial luxury kitchen with a fully stocked fancy bar, wishing I was home on the river. I hope no bears have broken into my cabin. I hope the otters are still happy and the squirrells that live in the roof aren’t getting cancer from the insulation and the wood I chopped lasts a long time and more wood is easy to saw up and chop and the river keeps being beautiful every day. And I hope I make enough money to live on for the rest of the winter really soon and get home before the river starts freezing and I can’t get home.

8 comments

  1. I would definitely like to be on a river rather than in a mansion. “Man”sions have always creeped me out. There is a feeling of fear and isolation. But to me “man”sions are more like a padded cells from the rest of the world. Mother Earth seems more comforting.

  3. “I gave Bro a bath because he’s been stinky lately. The van’s been stinky too. It’s kind of circular.”

    That made me chuckle! How smelly my dogs are is directly related to how smelly the home is too! 😆

  4. hey tara, that’s cool that you added me to Hobos and Wanderers! such good company here. i did notice that the link to rube vigor (and the next one down) go to an error page. looks like it’s doing that thing where it tacks the url on the the current index. thought i’d make note of it while i was here catching another update. the continuum concept (and bathing) sounds great…i’ll have to try both sometime soon when the chance arises!

  5. Hello Tara!

    Just followed Ren’s links to Hobostripper, was instantly addicted and read the 40-something pages that make up your blog in 3 days. I’m obsessive like that. :mrgreen:

    Love every aspect of your blog. I am somewhat more science orientated and entitled than you (if that makes sense) but generally am half in love with you.

    Now I have a couple of random requests if you’re feeling generous: first, can you recommend a book on using herbs for animals? I saw your article on 5 herbs for use on pets but something extensive would be fantastic.

    Secondly, a post on stripper tips for makeup (though I’m sure they’re out there) would be fantastic. I don’t wear makeup in day to day life, never have. But I am kind of attracted so some pretty serious eye makeup (you know, “glamour” makeup) for day to day use. Only I am totally unwilling to do anything that is going to prevent me running around with my dogs or acting like a human rather than a doll, and I “sweat like a man”. Also, I sweat acid (I joke but I destroy clothing without trying so I’m not sure about my chances with makeup lol)

    Any kind of feedback would be fantastic.

    Love,

    Dana

  6. P.S. Dammit. I totally just said “would be fantastic” in two separate sentences. This offends me, but I must excuse it due to drunk posting: something I should avoid but can’t resist. 😈

    Aaaaanyway, had to add the postscript, stopping the rambling… now.

  8. Oo, yay, there are actually 2 of those books available… hopefully this is still true on pay day. 🙂

    And I should have known there would be a site like stripperweb.com – it’d more surprising if there wasn’t!

    Cheers

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