How to pick a good strip club

The number one secret to having fun and making lots of money being a dancer is location. If you ain’t happy, keep movin!

These are some of the most important factors:

1) Money. The more money there is in a club, the more bullshit rules and such I’m willing to put up with (this is otherwise articulated as the bullshit to money ratio). Money is often seasonal, with fishing/hunting seasons, golf seasons, races, conventions, bike weeks, etc, and if you like traveling at all it’s worth it to follow the money.

2) The Vibe. If you’re not happy, you’re not gonna make money, or the money that you do make won’t be worth it. It doesn’t matter if it’s the customers, the managment, the rules, or whatever that’s rubbing you the wrong way, just move the fuck on.

3) Schedule crap. Some clubs want to put you on a schedule, or they have some rules like you have to work one weekday for every weekend day or that kind of thing. A club that’s worthy of your presence won’t make these crazy demands, they’ll have a straight up system where you show up, and pay a stage fee. They might charge you more if you show up later, or you might have to show up by a certain time to be allowed to work, but they won’t try to chain you to some paper schedule. If you wanted that kind of bullshit, you’d have a job. Of course, if you’re making a grand a night you might overlook this kind of stuff.

4) Risk of being arrested. Yep, the rich white men in suits legislate what we can do with our bodies. Crazy, huh? In some cities, you can be arrested for little things like being within 6 feet of a customer or touching your own breasts. The crazier the rules, the faster the club declines towards whorehousedom. For example, in Houston a girl can get arrested for prostitution for just being within six feet (I think?) of a customer. She figures, gee, I can give a blow job for five times the money and the same risk of arrest and prostitution charge. So you have that, and when they bust a club they just come in and arrest everyone. In more rational places, the club is held responsible for your behavior. For example, in Alaska if I take a tip between my breasts the club can be fined and possibly lose their liquor liscence, but nothing will happen to me.

5) Rules. Conversely, you don’t want a big bouncer standing over you with a flashlight making sure you don’t break the law and fining you for the smallest infraction and scaring your customers off. There should be a happy medium, like cameras in the VIP room, or a system of mirrors or curtains so that the customer isn’t freaked out. If the customer breaks a rule, like touching you, the club should come down on the customer, not you. If there are a ton of rules about changing before every set, wearing a certain type of gown, solid shoes, selling however many drinks a night, whatever… well, some of those things you do anyway or they don’t really bother you (I mean, a rule like “no sneakers on stage” isn’t hard to follow), but if they’re bothering you and it’s putting your bullshit to money ratio outta wack, just move on.

6) Contact. For some people this might be higher up on the list… but for me this is about where it goes. In some clubs you can’t touch the customer at all and do table dances standing in front of them. In other clubs you can touch them for a few seconds at a time, or you can touch them only in certain areas. At some clubs you can touch them as much as you want, but they can’t touch you. Or they can touch your arms and outer thighs, or they can touch whatever you allow. This goes right up there with the vibe… if you ain’t comfortable with it, move on! Don’t be afraid to have different boundaries with different customers, or to have much stricter boundaries than the norm at your club.