I grew up with a pretty fucked idea of feminine attractiveness. You know, pretty women are needy women. They’re damsels in distress, like Cinderella and Rapunzel. They’re damaged, like the women in Tori Amos songs, or the Suicide Girls. That’s what makes them so fascinating and addictive, right?
When I started dancing, this was what I tried to portray. I was the fucked up victim. I hated myself. I needed men to save me.
And it sold. I almost sold myself on it, and that was fucked up enough to make me stop dancing for a while.
Eventually I was getting really tired of playing the victim. It was the “you’re beautiful†thing that got to me the most, eventually. You know, where they try to convince you how beautiful you are, as if it goes without saying that you hate yourself and think you’re ugly. But of course they’d think that, that’s the role I was playing.
So I decided to start nipping that in the bud. I figured confidence wasn’t so sexy and probably my earnings would suffer, but I was going to do it anyways. I was nervous when I started. They’d say I was beautiful and I’d say “thanks, I was born that way,†or just, “yeah, I know,†followed by a little giggle so they’d think I was halfway joking.
I never would have guessed it, but…. (are you ready?) …..that kind of confidence sold even better than my self destructive extreme fetishization of self. Really, who’da thunk it?
That was five or six years ago and since then I’ve become more and more confident at work. The more pushy and hyper-confident I’ve become, the more money I’ve made.
Goddess! I think that we all grew up with that imagine. Or if a woman stands up for herself, she is considered a b$*@h! Let us get rid of the Britney Spears’ in the world and bring out Stevie Nicks. Both men and women admire her and she doesn’t play the victim to do it!
Rock on, you Goddess!
Very interesting.
As I read this I am wondering where the strength to take a risk on presenting a confident persona came from for you? Was it influenced by seeing other strippers being confident with their sexuality?, or simply a spontaneous expression of your authentic self (or both?).
After 5 or 6 years you must have become an expert on all the different permutations of conversation that can be had in the context of a strip club. Could something like that have helped as well?
The other question is: did your audience change with the change in your persona? Was the type of client that gravitated to you different afterwards?
Sam, thanks for your feedback. I’ll try to go back and edit the post to be more clear soon. To answer your questions…
> As I read this I am wondering where the strength to take a risk on > presenting a confident persona came from for you?
Honestly, strength has never really been an issue for me.
> Was it influenced by seeing other strippers being confident with
> their sexuality?, or simply a spontaneous expression of your
> authentic self (or both?).
Unfortunately I wasn’t much for learning by other’s examples back then. I was really just very frustrated with constantly “defending” myself from people trying to convince me I was pretty, or smart, or too good to be a stripper, or whatever. Men who are predatory have a certain way of projecting your victimhood into the conversation that’s just frustrating as hell after a while.
> The other question is: did your audience change with the change in
> your persona? Was the type of client that gravitated to you
> different afterwards?
Very, very much so. The guys I get now are much more enjoyable and they also spend more money.
Right on!
Hi there–I would love to see you strip–ever come to Montreal…
I am also looking for a distill and saw that you are an herbalist. Check out my site sometime at http://www.thehempfactory.com
Loretta Clark
I have so many guy friends who say that an average looking or overweight girl who rocks it with confidence is so much more sexy than an underconfident bombshell…
But what guys think aside, I’m glad you got that confidence! Whether it makes you more money, or just makes you a happier, stronger person, that’s awesome!
http://www.smellslikegreenspirit.com
This is good advice for stripping, and beyond. I need to do this more. It is really tempting to act like a victim at work, and to let them ‘save’ you for twenty minutes at a time. This has made me think!
What is the sexiest part of a woman’s body?
The part that’s between her ears!
Great blog, thanks for making the effort.
SBW
Actually, I don’t find cocky, arrogant “confident” women in any way sexy. I admire them, I like them as friends (who wouldn’t?) and especially as business partners, bosses, or employees, they’re great. But they does not give me any kind of boner. In fact that kind of “confidence” is a boner-killer for me.
I find the quieter, damsel-in-distress, weak or shy types SUPER sexy. But then, I’m a nobody with no money.
However. Guys with money, the real heavy hitters, the super-successful dudes? Those guys tend to be attracted to women who are just like them: arrogant, confident, successful, who are absolutely convinced that they are god’s gift to men. So if you want to make money, it makes a LOT of sense to cop that “goddess” attitude, because the guys with the big bank will probably be all over you.
Excellent advice.
heck yeah. Thinking about stripping, my mom did it succesfully for a long time, now a top executive. I THINK I know the ups and downs, I will find out. But I like this idea of just being straight and bold. AWESOME!
Another great posting to put up on the dressing room wall!!
Keep them coming HoboStripper!!
~holly
Hahahaha. Just linked this post to a friend who I thought would like it. REad the comments, followed through, and laughed aloud at your comment to Rix. I don’t judge y ou either – perfect.
There is nothing sexier than a confident woman (IMO).
I’ve been on the other side of the rail for about 15 years, and it’s my experience that most men come into the club looking for one thing: to feel special.
The White Knight will look for a damsel to rescue, but a woman who is Confident, Attractive (and usually this is more “face” than “body”) and Kind draw the admiration of every guy in the place. Then, when she shows she really cares about the customer, he feels special — and rewards her for fulfilling his needs.
The rare part is doing Kindness together with the Confident and Attractive. Most of the guys in clubs are such pigs (because that’s the role society has taught them) that it’s really draining to be nice to them. And, of course, you have to deal with the ones who fall in love, and wind up acting betrayed when you don’t follow through on their dream ….